


The Tide

by ceciliasheplin



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Canon Divergence, Domestic Fluff, Eventual Happy Ending, F/M, Gardening, Hurt/Comfort, Kylo Ren Needs a Hug, Kylo Ren Redemption, Manpain, Men be crying, Mention of abuse, No Kids - Freeform, No Pregnancy, Reylo - Freeform, Romance, Slow Burn, Smut, Spoiler for Kylo Ren comic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-16
Updated: 2019-10-09
Packaged: 2020-10-19 14:21:37
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 6
Words: 14,949
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20658665
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ceciliasheplin/pseuds/ceciliasheplin
Summary: This fic was based on a prompt from @reylo_prompts:“The Resistance catches Supreme Leader and decides on his execution. Rey promises that if they do that, the Jedi won't support their cause any longer. Nevertheless, they proceed. She leaves. Several years later, Palpatine's return prompts the Resistance to seek Rey out. They are shocked to find her peacefully living with very much alive Kylo in a cute cottage on an outer rim planet.”





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> English is not my first language and I have no beta readers, so please forgive my mistakes.  
Hope you enjoy it!
> 
> *Edit May 2020: Thank you to [reylotrash711](https://archiveofourown.org/users/reylotrash711/pseuds/reylotrash711) for this incredible moodboard!*

“You are all insane!” Rey gets up suddenly from her seat and screams at them. “This is not the way of the Jedi!”

“Master Rey, this man is a war criminal—“ One man says.

“We do not execute defeated prisoners! There are other ways for him to pay for his crimes!” Rey continues and Poe tries to grab her arm.

“It is what he deserves.” Says another.

“No!” Rey shoves Poe away and makes her way to the middle of the room. “This is not what I’ve fought for! This is not what millions, _ billions _ of people have died for!”

“Please, Master Rey,” says a different person. “You cannot seriously believe that this murderer--”

“I know what he is. And he must pay. But not like this.” Rey is fuming. Poe has never seen her so furious.

“The decision has been made, Jedi.”

“It’s barbaric!” Rey shouts. “I will not stand by a government that has become the very thing we were fighting against.”

“You cannot interfere. The Jedi are not above the law.”

“The law?!” She sputters. “As if you could call this a trial!”

“That is enough, Jedi--”

“If you do this, the Jedi Order will no longer support the New Republic.” Rey announces.

Gasps of outrage echo across the large room. Poe’s jaw drops.

“You cannot do that!” One of them says.

“I can and I will!”

Poe witnesses Rey stomp away, leaving those people behind without looking back.

The murmur of disapproval intensifies and Poe glances over at Finn and Rose. They exchange concerned looks.

Rey herself had captured Kylo Ren after the fall of the First Order and had been the one to bring him to justice. Or at least that's what Poe expected there to be.

Rey is right, this hasn’t been a trail. Not a proper one at least. These old men - former rulers and governors from many systems - have gathered in Coruscant after the war ended to restart the New Republic. The group gave Ren his sentence, arbitrarily and without a chance for defence.

_ “He is too dangerous to be kept alive.” _

_ “He will kill us all if he has the chance.” _

Kylo Ren wasn’t even present when they sentenced him to death.

And Poe, as much as he hates the man, can't help but feel sick at those people. He knows injustice when he sees it.

And now Rey said… what she said and he ponders the consequences. Did she mean it? Does that mean that there won’t be a Jedi Order after all? Will she really leave them?

***

Kylo Ren is strapped to the chair in front of an audience. Some were survivors of the Hosnian system, some were his torture victims, some were there only to watch the former Supreme Leader pay for his crimes with his life.

Among them, is Leia, here to watch her son die. Poe holds her hand all the while.

Ren’s expression is calm, resolute, as if he has accepted his punishment. The executioner approaches him with a syringe. But Ren begins to pant and winces as the needle pierces his arm. The man pushes the lethal liquid into his veins.

Soon, Ren’s body becomes limp, his head hangs to the side and his fists unclench.

Some people cheer as the executioner pushes the chair with his dead body through a door.

Poe glances over at Leia who seems very calm, but she still holds onto his hand.

“I’m sorry…” Poe offers but Leia doesn’t look at him.

***

_ A few years later _

Poe makes his way through the endless corridors of the New Senate, heading for Leia’s office. He knows her well enough to notice the worry underneath her controlled tone. Something’s wrong, and if Leia is worried, then it’s bad.

He knocks and Leia’s voice tells him to come in.

“Poe. Thank you for coming in such a short notice.” The general greets him from behind her desk.

“I came as soon as I could.”

“Please, have a seat.”

Poe sits across the table, waiting to be hit with bad news.

“You are the person I trust the most here.” She begins, looking at him straight in the eye. “There is something I must ask of you. Something that must remain secret until the time comes to reveal it.”

“Yes, of course. Anything.”

“There has been a disturbance in the Force. A new evil is rising. Or I should say: old. Very old.”

Poe’s shoulders drop. _ Again? _ “What is it?”

The general leans over her desk. “I will explain it to you. But first, we must find Rey.”

“Rey? She has chosen exile, she won’t help us, she said it herself.” Like every single kriffing Jedi this galaxy has ever seen, he thinks but keeps it to himself.

“Poe…” Leia intones and Poe shuts up immediately. “I need you to trust me.”

It worries him that she feels like she has to say that to him, even after all these years.

“We must go together. No one must know about this, understood?” Leia repeats.

“Understood.”

***

Leia is sitting beside him in the cockpit, frowning and quietly nervous. He has never seen her like this, not even at Crait. They had left in the middle of the night and it was Leia, not Poe, who put in the coordinates to hyperspace.

When the jump ends, Poe sees a green and blue planet. He recognizes some of the constellations and concludes they’re somewhere in the Outer Rim.

He glances over at Leia and she perks up in her seat as they near the deep forest; she has a light smile on her face. Poe follows the map but soon spots a clearing in the distance, and a lake.

“There,” Leia points.

The ship hovers over a lovely middle-size cottage with a garden and an orchard. Poe lands the ship and turns off the engines.

So this is where Rey has been all this time, growing a garden by a lake. That’s not such a bad thing to be doing in times of peace, but he can’t help but feel a little disappointed at all this. He had considered her a friend during the war and hoped to see the New Jedi Order rise with her as their leader. He regretted that she chose to leave everyone behind because of what happened, even if he wholeheartedly agreed with her about Kylo Ren’s sentence.

Leia gives him a meaningful look and he lowers the ramp. They get out of the ship and walk towards the house. Leia stops shortly at one of the trees to admire a ripe apple.

There’s a noise at the door and it flies open.

Kylo Ren is standing behind it.

“Kriff the maker!!!” Poe blurts out and reaches for his blaster.

When he can’t find it in his holster, he jumps in front of Leia and defensively reaches a hand towards Kylo. “Stay back!!! I said stay back!!!”

“Poe,” Leia says calmly behind him, but he can’t hear her. Kylo only stares at him.

“Leia, go back to the ship!!!” He shouts.

“Poe!”

“Go, now!” He screams in panic.

Leia growls in frustration. She circles him and walks towards Kylo. Poe tries to reach for her but another voice behind him makes him turn around.

“Poe! You’re here!”

It's Rey, running towards him. She hugs him tightly and then walks over to Leia.

Poe’s perplex gaze follows her. He watches in horror Kylo Ren bending over to hold Leia.

“Mom,” Kylo says warmly.

“Ben, sweetheart, how are you?”

“Good, good. You?”

“I'm fine," she says with weary eyes. "I can see the apples are almost ready.”

“Yes, almost,” Kylo Ren says with a smile. _ A smile! _ “And you were right about the flowers. Look at them.”

Leia smiles too, glancing over at the garden and then turns to Rey.

“Hello, my dear.”

“Leia!” Rey laughs with joy.

The women hold each other dearly and Kylo is still smiling.

Leia’s eyes dart to Rey’s hair.

“Oh!” She chuckles touching the beautiful crown braid Rey has on her hair.

Rey giggles. “Do you like it?”

“I love it!” Leia looks at Kylo, beaming at him. “You did a great job, Ben!”

“Practice, like you said,” Kylo cocks an eyebrow and approaches Leia to take her hand. “Come on. Let’s go inside.”

Poe stands there dumbfounded. He cannot believe his eyes. Neither can he articulate words to ask them what the kriff is going on.

Rey is the first one to realize it and breaks away from them, walking over to Poe.

“Poe, I know this seems a bit…” She eyes him cautiously, evaluating his state. “... strange. But if you come inside with us, we’ll explain everything."

Poe gapes at her and then at Leia and then at Kylo, whose smile fades as soon as their eyes meet.

“What the kriff?” Poe finally mutters. “What the… by the Force… What...”

“Poe. Inside. Now.” Leia says, making him snap out of it.

***

Poe is very uncomfortable sitting at the kitchen table. He fidgets with his hands as his mind circles between three thoughts: Kylo Ren is alive, _ and _ with Rey, _ and _ Leia knows.

He rubs his face again, watching the three of them move around the house. Kylo is making caf while Rey is slicing apples and Leia is examining the cut flowers in a vase, the same kind from their garden.

Kylo places four cups on the table and pours the dark liquid in them, his expression serious as he does it. He hands one over to Poe and they stare each other down for a few seconds until Leia and Rey join them.

“Poe, as I’ve asked you before, I need you to trust me. And to listen. Will you do it?”

He nods.

“Good. Now, Rey…”

Rey takes a sip at her cup and swallows. When her gaze lifts to meet Poe’s, her eyes are glossy. And she places her hand on Kylo’s on the table.

“Poe, I’ve lied to you. And I hope that someday you’ll forgive me.” Rey sighs and looks at Kylo who squeezes her hand. “When the war ended I had such high hopes; hope for a better future, for a juster society. When they sentenced Ben to death I couldn’t stand by it. I refused to become a murderer. So I came up with a plan. We managed to forge the whole execution.”

Poe frowns. “How? How did you fake something like that? I was there. I watched you die.” Poe says to Kylo. Leia closes her eyes and inhales deeply and Kylo places a hand on her shoulder.

“Force-projection. You’ve seen it before,” Rey explains.

Poe remembers when none of the shots from the AT-ATs was able to harm Luke Skywalker.

“With Leia’s help, we smuggled Ben out of Coruscant and went into exile. And Leia kept the lie.” Rey continues.

“Leia…” Poe didn’t mean to look at her with an incredulous expression, but apparently he did because Leia reacts immediately.

“Oh, what now, Poe? Did you really think I’d let them kill my son?” 

“But…”

“But what? Are you going to say it’s the law?” Leia continues. “That he’s a war criminal and justice should be served?”

That's exactly what he was going to say. “No. No… That trial, that was not justice… That was…” He trails off.

“I know. It’s a lot to take in,” Rey says.

“Yeah...” Poe takes a deep breath and is very serious when he speaks again. “Alright, tell me what’s going on.”

“There has been a disturbance in the Force…” Rey continues.

He’s heard this before and he didn’t like how cryptic it sounded the first time.

“We all felt it when it rose. Me, Ben and Leia.”

“Poe, do you remember the stories that your parents told you? About the Empire?” Leia asks.

“Yes.” How could he forget? He had been just a toddler when the Empire fell, but he knew the stories all too well.

“The stories about the Emperor…” Kylo Ren speaks to him for the first time since that one time, a few years ago. When Ren tortured him.

Poe’s anger could have flared just then, but the mention of the Emperor makes his blood freeze in his veins.

“Palpatine…” Poe whispers.

“Yes…” Rey confirms. “Poe, he’s back.”

“What?!”

“It’s true.” Kylo says.

“But how? He was killed. Darth Vader killed him!”

“We don’t know how.” Kylo says. “But there’s no mistake about it.”

“That’s exactly why we need you, Poe,” Rey says. “We need all the help we can get if we’re to defeat him.”

“We need your pilots. They will follow you into war again, won’t they?” Kylo asks.

Poe winces. War… After such short years of peace, they are to plunge into the abyss of suffering and death once again.

“Are you with us, Poe?” Rey asks.

Poe glances at Leia and she looks… proud. Proud of him, like she knows his answer before he even did.

“I am. I’ll fight.”

Leia smiles at him but then she seems to remember something. “Oh, by the way.” Leia reaches into her robes and pulls out his blaster and lays it on the table. “You may have it back now.”

***

“So… you and Kylo Ren?” Poe approaches Rey, rubbing the back of his head.

They watch out the window as mother and son walk alongside each other, deep in conversation.

She grins. “Yeah…”

“I mean…” Poe starts but realizes he can’t finish the sentence without sounding obtuse.

Rey seems to pick up on his meaning anyway. “Why not? Is that so hard to believe?”

“Well, it kind of is.” He chuckles awkwardly. “I’m sorry, Rey, this is your business, but he’s…” He gestures outside the window. “And you’re…” He points at her.

“I know…” she admits. “He is still Kylo Ren to you. I understand, believe me. I had to come to terms with a lot of things myself over these past few years.”

They hear Leia’s laugh through the window. Poe is almost positive he has never heard her laugh.

“I know it’s hard for you to understand. But he’s not what he seems to be.”

Poe nods without really accepting it.

“So, how are you? How have you been?” He changes the subject.

She sighs and looks over to Leia and Kylo… or Ben.

“I’m fine, Poe. Really. Actually, more than fine.” Rey says with a smile that blooms in her mouth and reaches her eyes. “I’m… happy. Really happy.”

“I’m glad… It's good to see you.”

"It's good to see you too." She smiles but then looks to the ground. “I’m sorry I left.” Her voice comes out in a murmur.

Poe puts his hand on her shoulder. “Rey, I’ll never be the one to tell you what to do with your life, but I've got to be honest with you. I wish you hadn’t.” He pauses to rephrase. “I wish you hadn’t had to leave, I wish things had been different.”

“Me too.” Rey’s gaze meets his. “But it wasn’t for nothing.”

Poe frowns. “What do you mean?”

“Ben and I want to begin the Jedi Order again. We want the whole galaxy to see what we’ve been doing. What he’s been doing.”

“Which is?”

“Redemption, Poe.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Those people who sentenced Ben to death are the antis.
> 
> You may find me on Twitter [@ceciliasheplin](https://twitter.com/ceciliasheplin) if you want to say hi.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben and Rey's escape and their new life after the war

_ A few years earlier _

“Leia, I’m begging you. Please, reconsider.” Rey looks firmly at Leia, who challenges her right back.

“Rey, I will speak to my son.”

“Leia, he’s dangerous.” Rey's voice trembles as she pleads.

“I know,” Leia says, her features hardening even more. “But I must see him. You have his weapon, Rey, and he cannot turn the Force against me. I will know if anything is wrong. And so will you.”

Rey eyes the door nervously. She can’t deny Leia this, but she hoped that she could dissuade her from it. She can’t shake the feeling of déjà-vu.

“I’ll be right here.” Rey assures her.

“Thank you, my dear,” Leia says, squeezing Rey’s hand briefly. She can sense Leia’s emotions: powerful fear and hope fighting for dominance inside her heart.

Brows furrowed and heart full of worry, Rey pushes the button and the door hisses open.

Leia straightens her back and goes in. The door closes behind her.

Inside the room, Rey can feel so much fear. A bottomless dread, unlike any she has ever felt before, in her or from any other sentient creature. However, it does not come from Leia, but from Ben.

The string that ties her to Ben is here, like it has always been since it was created. The bond is wide open now since they met again on the battlefield.

The only thing he said to her as he surrendered was: “I would like to speak to the general.”

The fear gets stronger now, she feels. From Leia, Rey senses a calm sort of joy along with a deep grief.

Ben tries to redirect his fear into anger, probably out of panic. The emotions feel bottled up inside him, brewing together, like clouds before the storm. Rey fears that this is when he’ll strike. The Force changes around her. Ben is losing control.

Rey gasps and moves to the door, but before she can open it, she is hit with so much sorrow, her knees give out. She falls to the ground and she cries tears that don’t belong to her.

The powerful waves of grief and regret rolling out of him are unbearable. She sobs uncontrollably from pure pain and wonders how he will survive this.

The answer comes from Leia. Rey feels her comfort and love joining in with the Force, calming the surroundings, until there’s a dull ache in Rey’s heart.

Leia is so serene, so happy.

Rey breathes a little easier and can see things more clearly.

Now the Force is saturated with only one thing.

Forgiveness.

***

A few days later, Rey finally musters the courage to speak to him. She hasn’t dared so far after that gruelling day with Leia. She is having a hard time accepting that Leia would forgive him so easily. But perhaps it wasn’t easy. Perhaps it has taken all of Leia’s might and heart to do it. Or perhaps this is what loving someone means.

Rey herself was once ready to do it. She remembers compassionate brown eyes and a voice telling her she wasn’t alone. She remembers Luke’s failure and the terrible misunderstanding that ruined everything. And the injustice of it all.

But she also remembers when, as soon as Ben was free to make the choice, he chose to remain in the dark.

The door hisses. She steps into the cell.

Ben is sitting on the bench, head leaned against the wall. He doesn’t move at all as she approaches. The bandage around his arm is stained with blood.

“You should let the droid see to it.” She says, gesturing to his arm.

He takes a deep breath, but doesn’t move otherwise. He looks defeated, and even paler. 

“Ben, I--”

“When?” He cuts her off, his voice hoarse and low.

“When what?”

“When am I to die?”

Rey purses her lips. “It won’t come to that.”

He chuckles bitterly. “Are you really that naive to think they’ll let me live?”

“They will.”

“You need to be smarter than this if you are to become a Jedi Master.” He snides. 

The insult doesn’t affect her. She has faith in the New Republic.

“I will speak for you. And so will your mother.”

“Please, don’t.” His voice is bitter.

“If I were in your position I would start showing some gratitude.”

He finally looks at her and gets up. His hands are bound in front of him, much like he had done to her in the Supremacy.

He stalks over to her, his eyes fixed, pinning her in place. She challenges him, but the emotion coming from him is not hatred or anger. It is still that same horrendous sorrow she felt within him that day. And it breaks her heart anew.

“When the time comes, please make it quick.”

Rey’s face hardens.

“What are you doing here, Ben? Why did you surrender?”

He blinks slowly and his face changes.

“Do you not know?” He says.

“No, I really don’t.”

He slowly steps away from her, sitting back on the bench.

When she is certain he won’t give her any answers, she gives up.

“The trial is tomorrow. Get some rest.”

***

Rey’s head is spinning as she leaves the courtroom. Those decrepit, hideous, evil men have ruined the New Republic. She is furious, she needs to calm down.

The consequences of her act catch up to her, but in her heart there’s not a trace of doubt that this is the right path to take.

She doesn’t understand why the idea of Ben dying hurts her so much. He is what they say. A monster. And yet she still feels nothing but compassion for him.

She thinks of Leia. Rey can’t bear the thought of her having to watch her son die. She has suffered enough.

Ben must pay for his crimes, but not with his life, she decides.

So a plan forms in her head. A plan so audacious, she thinks for a moment if she’s lost her mind as she heads for Leia’s office.

***

Rey walks through the prison corridors to Ben’s cell. It’s really early in the morning, one hour before Ben is scheduled to be executed. The prison is emptier than during the day but the guards are on duty.

She arrives at the door and orders the guards to let her through. Once they do, she steps inside.

Ben isn’t asleep. He’s in the same position as before, but eyes redder this time. She knows they are being watched, and heard.

“Is it time?” He simply asks.

_ Ben… _ she calls him through the Force. _ I have a plan... _

***

Rey waves her hand in front of the guards. “You will open the door to the next cell. And you will forget that you ever saw me here, or anything that’s about to happen now.”

“I will open the door to the next cell. And I will forget that I ever saw you here, or anything that’s about to happen now.” They repeat in unison as one of them opens the door to the other cell.

With a twist of his hand, Ben turns the camera away from their path and they both sneak into the next cell.

“You will close the door and return to your positions.” Rey commands.

“I will close the door and return to my position.” Both guards repeat her words.

The door closes and leaves them both in the dark.

When Rey showed her plan to Ben, he was skeptical at first, saying that the effort would kill him anyway. She argued that he wouldn’t, not if she was there to share the burden. 

They sit cross-legged in front of the other, holding hands. As they do, Rey feels the bond sing with the flow of their powers combining. The Force is at their command.

They ask the Force to double Ben’s force-signature to the cell next to them. She feels it comply as an invisible tendril separates from them and reaches out, creating another Ben.

It is the strangest thing ever, to feel him at two places at the same time.

They strain with effort, but she holds on. And so does he.

They hear a noise at the other cell. They are here for him.

She pours all her power into his and it amplifies tenfold. They just have to hold on a little longer.

***

They let go. Rey’s bottom painfully hits the floor. She’s startled for a moment, she hadn’t realized she was hovering in the air. Ben grunts in front of her but gets up quickly to put on the cloak and mask she brought him. Using her Jedi mind trick, they pass through all the guards and they finally reach the exterior.

Ben is safe under the mask, especially now they all think he’s dead, but they won’t take any chances. They quickly make their way through the city, disappearing into the crowd.

There’s a speeder waiting for them and they get to the spaceport in no time.

Leia is there, waiting for them by the Falcon.

The sight makes Ben suddenly halt and Rey feels the sorrow rise up again.

Leia spots them and climbs up the ramp, gesturing them to follow her.

Once inside, Ben removes the mask, meeting his mother’s gaze.

“The sooner you make it out of here, the better.” Leia says. “I only wanted to say goodbye.”

Ben seems unable to speak and Rey feels like she’s intruding this intimate moment but can’t make herself walk away.

“Mother, I--”

“Chewie says it’s yours and Rey’s. It is what your father would have wanted.”

Ben trembles. “I will see you soon, won’t I?” He asks in a voice that Rey has never heard from him before. His tone is soft and broken and - for lack of a better word - young.

“Yes, Ben.” Leia replies. “My son didn’t come home for me to disappear from his life again right after.”

_ Home._

“As soon as we’re settled…” Ben touches a cloaked binary beacon on his wrist. “I’ll call for you.”

“Go, my son.” Leia moves to hug him, her short arms not making around his large frame. “May the Force be with you.”

“And you…” He says.

The love Rey feels around them is overwhelming. The words don’t have to be uttered.

Leia lets go and gives Rey a strong, brief hug. “Thank you,” Leia says and it makes Rey's heart clench in her chest. “Go.”

They take off and put in the coordinates.

And the Falcon jumps.

***

Rey looks at him. Ben is sullen, his head down, eyes lost, until he gets up from his seat and leaves her alone in the cockpit.

She knows she can’t expect anything different, she figures. He probably didn’t want to be in here in this ship. He was defeated. He almost died. And whatever reconciliation he had started with his mother had to be put on hold.

But a little gratitude wouldn’t hurt.

Ben Solo remains a mystery. One she figures she’ll never solve.

The rest of the trip is spent in silence. Rey often sees him walking slowly around the Falcon, touching the walls or pushing certain buttons that do things she didn’t know they could do.

One time, he reached out his hand behind a panel and retrieved a small box. He was going to open it but stopped himself when he saw her observing him. She apologized quickly and walked away.

They are to go to a planet far in the Outer Rim. It’s neither uncharted nor empty, there is no need for that extra protection. Leia told them they are to remain isolated from the cities but close enough for supply runs.

Rey has been envisioning what it would be like. She hopes for green, but tries to keep her expectations in check, so she won’t be disappointed.

The Falcon beeps, telling them they are nearing the end of hyperspace. Ben shows up back at the cockpit.

She gasps when she sees the beautiful green and blue, the same way she did when she saw Takodana. Only she had a different Solo beside her then.

They fly together over the coordinates and find the lake first.

She’s too excited, while Ben is still just sitting there, his face serious.

They land next to the house. A lovely cottage made of wood and large windows.

She gasps again when she sees the garden. It’s been clearly abandoned for a while, but it’s nothing a little love won’t change, Rey is already thinking to herself. It’s rather large, taking up the length of the house. The soft earth gives in under her feet as she meanders through it.

The orchard is right next to it. But unlike the garden, it seems to be thriving. The trees are quite large and some are sprouting tiny flowers. She spots at least three different kinds. An orange one, a white one and a pink one.

From the forest around them, she hears the chanting of birds and insects.

Rey is enchanted.

She hears a noise behind her. She turns to see the hem of a dark cape disappearing through the door.

She purses her lips in annoyance.

Inside, Ben has already settled into one of the two rooms. He could at least have asked.

She takes the other one, dropping her bag on the bed. Sunlight bathes the wooden walls and floor. The bed is the largest she’s ever seen and there’s an old closet in the corner, along with a desk and a chair. She can’t believe this is all for her.

The sudden memory of her old home in Jakku makes her even more grateful to Leia.

Her smile fades when she hears Ben in the kitchen.

He is getting acquainted with the cupboards and utensils, it seems. He doesn’t stop when he hears her this time but doesn’t acknowledge her either.

There’s so much she wants to say, to ask. But he’s like a caged wild beast, distrusting and cautious, and he gives her nothing.

She passes him by and goes to unload the Falcon with all the supplies.

Ben has taken care of most of it, so she’s left with only her things.

She wonders where Finn and Rose are. If they’ve managed to find a house yet. She makes a mental note to call them later.

***

The following days are incredibly morose. They only exchange brief words and Ben keeps it to himself most of the time.

He has shut the bond completely and she’s a little thankful for that. It was becoming rather exhausting.

She knows he has been talking to Leia, but she has no idea what her plans are for him.

Rey knows what Rey’s plans are for herself though. She still hasn’t given up on her dream of raising the new Jedi Order. She doesn’t need those people. She doesn’t need the New Republic. She has herself and her willpower, like always.

She amuses herself thinking that she’s now some sort of outlaw. She likes that idea.

***

If Rey is going to be honest, she’s kind of tired of baby-sitting.

Ben is nowhere to be found. He just took off on a hike through the woods or something and hasn’t even told her.

He can’t keep ignoring her like that. Who does he think he is? Who does he think _ she _ is?

He should show her some respect. She’s left her whole life behind, her friends behind, for him. And this is how he thanks her. After all they’ve been through, she expected at least something. 

At this point, she’ll even settle for a tantrum.

As soon as he comes back, she’ll tell him.

She spends the entire afternoon deeply absorbed in the Sacred Jedi Texts, trying to make some sense out of them.

She hears a noise outside her room. Ben is back it seems. She gets up from her desk, ready to give him a piece of her mind.

She opens the door and finds Ben behind it, closed fist in the air, ready to knock.

They both gasp. It takes them a moment to recover speech.

“I cooked us dinner.” Ben says.

_ Dinner!? _

“Yes. I thought you might be hungry for more than just rations.”

She realizes she said that out loud.

He’s still waiting for her answer so she replies a yes and they’re off to the kitchen.

On the counter, there are kinds of vegetables and fruit she’s never seen before. And she smells something also unknown but delicious from the pans.

“Please, have a seat.”

She narrows her eyes at him, but he doesn’t notice. He serves her the food and joins her at the table. It smells and looks wonderful, making her mouth water.

They eat in silence for a while.

“Thank you.” She says.

“...welcome.” He mumbles.

It feels strange to do this with him. It’s mundane and simple, nothing like what the Supreme Leader would ever do. It’s not unbearably awkward either, so she stays and enjoys the food.

When they’re done, he takes her plate and begins to clean everything.

“Let me help, Ben.”

“It’s alright. I don’t mind.” He is polite and his voice sounds warmer.

She thinks it’s better not to insist.

Now that he has taken a step she decides to take hers. Instead of going back to her room, she grabs the book she was reading and goes into the living room, ready to spend the rest of the evening reading.

Moments later, Ben comes in and sits down across from her. He doesn’t lean back into the couch and he is frowning.

“Rey?”

“Yes, Ben?”

He swallows and then looks at her. 

“Thank you.” He says.

She supposes she must help him out.

“For?” She says calmly.

He clenches his jaw. “For saving my life.”

She can settle for that, yes.

She nods and gives him a smile.

His eyes are rounder, softer.

She likes that look, she’s seen it before. It feels truer, somehow. Like this is the real Ben Solo and everything else is just layers of mistakes and regrets and sorrows piled over him, stifling him, turning him into something that he is not.

She wants to tell him but the moment passes and he gets up and walks away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please let me know what you think! :)


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Their little routine and one realization

Rey goes to work on the garden really early in the morning, when the sun is still low. She doesn’t sleep well anyway and she can’t wait to see the plants growing.

She has already removed the weeds and discovered some of the remaining plants that once made up this garden. There are a few root vegetables and a few edible herbs that survived, but not much else. She makes a note to buy seeds when she next goes to town.

Taking a deep breath, she sinks her fingers in the soft soil and reaches into the Force. It ripples from her and into the earth, and she can feel life everywhere. The beauty of it moves and excites her and she feels at home.

Her mind wanders.

Only months ago she was a nobody living in the Jakku desert, waiting for a family that would never return. Now, she is the Last Jedi, the hero who ended the war, a beacon of hope to the galaxy.

Rey is the Jedi who saved her greatest enemy from death. And this is exactly the kind of Jedi Rey wants to be.

The Force ripples again. Inside the house, Ben’s signature pulses with dormant power. He is probably brooding in his bedroom, she muses to herself. She turns away; she can’t see much else through the closed bond.

In her mind, she sees the life that inhabits this planet connecting to all life in the galaxy through the Force.

She knows better than to assume the peace will last. She must be ready. But for now, she can tend to her garden.

Rey gets to work, following the instructions of the holobook she found at Coruscant. It’s very helpful, with images showing how to dig the right size ditch or which crops prefer more or less sun.

She labours until the sun is too hot and her belly is rumbling.

Inside the house, Ben has already made lunch. He cooks them all their meals now and they always eat together. That’s when he speaks to her the most. Against her advice, he’s the one who goes to town to buy supplies, but she supposes it’s fine as long as he keeps his helmet on.

“I didn’t ask if you liked this kind of meat.” He has an apologetic look on his face as he places her dish in front of her.

“I’ll eat anything.” Rey says. “But thanks…”

He is a great cook, who knew. She eats everything he makes her and she loves it. He is letting her help him with the dishes now and she is happy to do it.

“I, uh… Passed by a store and they were selling these…” Ben says retrieving a tiny bag from a bigger one that was laying on the counter.

Rey takes it and opens it. Her heart skips a beat.

“Ben!” She gasps.

“I thought you might like them for your garden.”

It’s seeds. She reaches for the bag and finds many others. Round minuscule ones, green moon shaped ones and there’s even one that looks impossibly like a red feather.

Rey looks at him agape; his face is serious.

“Thank you, Ben, this is…”

He clears his throat. “I’m glad you liked it.”

***

Dawn breaks. She gets out of bed, ready to tend to the garden, as usual. One of the crops from the seeds Ben bought her is beginning to sprout. She loves the baby plants so much.

But before she makes it outside, she notices a dark figure in the living room. Ben gets up when he sees her.

“Good morning.” He says and she observes that he’s holding two mock sabers. “I was going to practice forms.” He twirls one of them in his hand.

His suggestion makes her eye him more carefully. He’s in the simple black trousers with suspenders on top of a sleeveless shirt he wears when he exercises. Ben usually goes after she does it, making her presume that this was something he preferred to do alone. It’s unexpected, but welcome.

“Yeah, just give me a second.”

She changes into her exercise clothes and they go outside. She has been using a bald spot on the grass by the lake as a makeshift sparring ground, and Ben seems to be heading that way. 

“You go first.” He says when they get there.

He watches her at first. He doesn’t make any comments about her technique but she can tell the differences as he joins in and repeats her movements.

She halts with the saber at a perfect horizontal line and lets out her breath. Ben is by her side in the same position. She regards him and sees the incredible warrior that he is, so powerful and full of passion. What kind of Jedi would he have been? Maybe the greatest of them all. She’ll never know.

“Do you know any others?” Rey asks.

“I do.” He answers. “Do you want to try it?”

They spend the next hours practicing his routine to perfection and Rey swears she sees a grin on his face when they call it a day.

“We should spar tomorrow.” He says.

“Yes, I would like that.”

The sparring itself will be a bit awkward, she fears, seeing as they have done this for real in the past. Her eyes fall onto his scar and she remembers the day and the circumstances when she gave it to him.

***

“This is fascinating.” Ben says from his seat. “I already knew the Force hasn’t always been divided, but to read the tale from _ this _ book…”

He asked her if he could examine the book she was reading. She hesitated at first but thought why not.

He sounds _ excited _. There’s no other way to describe it. It almost seems like he admires these Jedi books and wasn’t in a quest to destroy every trace of them only a few months ago. She almost challenges him.

“This is a precious relic, Rey. We should keep it safe for…” He pauses and Rey guesses he might have realized how he sounds, because he corrects his tone. “For the sake of history.”

She can’t help but smile. “Yes, we must. I wonder if there are more.”

“There are. Well, were. When the Jedi fell the great library was destroyed.”

“Who would do such a thing?”

“My grandfather.”

Well, there is no escaping this, is it, she thinks. She’s not sure what to say: that she’s sorry, or maybe congratulations.

“Is everything destroyed?” She asks instead.

“No, there are abandoned temples everywhere across the galaxy. When I was Luke’s apprentice, we went on a trip to see some of them. There were relics, books, weapons.”

This is the first time he mentions Luke. Or his grandfather.

Rey wonders if she can see those relics. She feels it’s important to know history, to preserve the legacy of the Jedi, but most of all, so it doesn’t repeat itself.

For a brief, wild moment, she envisions traveling the galaxy with Ben in the Falcon, searching for the relics. She immediately dismisses the silly thought.

***

Ben is locked in his room again. They haven’t sparred today and he didn’t come out for lunch. Rey doesn’t feel like something is wrong, and she respects his space, but she worries that he might be hungry.

She goes to the garden and picks up one of the egg-shaped, glossy vegetables that has already come out of the earth. Ben told her the name but she can’t remember, only that its white flesh is spongy and meaty and delicious.

Back in the kitchen, she makes a plate with leftovers and the vegetable that she cut into cubes, just like she saw him do. She admires her work for a second and walks to his door.

She knocks.

The silence lingers for several moments until she hears a scraping sound of a chair on the floor and steps moving to the door.

Ben opens it and eyes her holding the plate, with a smile on her face.

“What time is it?” He asks.

“Past lunch time.” She says, offering him the dish. “I thought you might be hungry.”

He glances at the plate of food and then at her. Her smile fades a little as too much time passes. She is now sure he’s going to refuse her.

But instead, he opens the door and takes the dish. “Thank you.” He says averting his gaze, with a strange expression on his face. “I lost track of time.” He gestures to his desk.

She sees the box he retrieved from the Falcon. It’s empty and there is a quill pen and ink on the desk. There’s a pile of pieces of parchment and one is placed on the centre, where beautiful letters adorn the page.

Rey can’t help herself. “What is that? It’s beautiful.”

He frowns and shakes his head. “It’s nothing.”

“Did you write this?”

“Yes.”

“It’s lovely.”

He hums, looking a little embarrassed, but he holds his posture. “It’s just a silly pastime. Thank you for the food.”

She hears the tone and understands that he wants to be left alone, but before she leaves she sees scattered pages on the floor. One word is written on each one, the letters make beautiful flourishes across the paper. It reads: Rey.

She can’t tell if he noticed that she saw it but once he closes the door she just stands there, staring.

Eventually, she goes to her room and sits at her own desk. Her heart is racing as if she has been trying to outrun a fathier. She examines that flutter in her stomach and it scares her. It’s wildly strange and unfamiliar, making her want to immediately reject it.

She bolts from her seat and goes for a walk in the woods. She means to find a distraction against the thoughts running through her head, but it makes no difference. Her steps slow down by the stream of clear water that feeds the lake.

Now that she’s calmer, her mind supplies that it doesn’t mean anything. It’s just some ink on a piece of paper. He just needed a word to practice and the word he was thinking about was her name…

It doesn’t mean anything the fact that he surrendered. It doesn’t mean anything that he has been helping her with the Jedi texts and meditation and everything else. It doesn’t mean anything that he has expressed regret.

It doesn’t mean anything that he came back to his mother.

She goes back to the house with the image of her name written in beautiful calligraphy in her mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ben Solo is, ladies and gentlemen, a nerd
> 
> As always, please let me know what you guys think! ;)


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Leia visits and Rey and Ben get closer

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please note the additional tags

Leia’s message said she’d be here by the afternoon. Ben is extra quiet and seems anxious. Which means the house is spotless and there’s more food than Rey has ever seen in her life.

They both feel her presence as her ship enters the atmosphere.

Ben hurries outside, looking at the sky.

Leia lands and Rey watches Ben trot to the ship but then he changes his pace until he halts.

He seems unsure as Leia walks towards him. She holds him and it takes a moment before he leans into her embrace.

After Leia greets Rey, mother and son spend the rest of the day walking outside, talking. Sometimes, Rey pics up on Leia’s emotions without meaning to. Leia surrounds her son with nothing but affection, and it warms Rey’s heart.

It’s dinner time and they sit at the table together. Leia tells the news from the New Republic and what has become of the galaxy in times of peace.

“Have you been speaking to Finn?” Leia asks.

“Yeah. He showed me the house they found. It’s lovely. So is the planet.” Rey answers.

“It is. Rose is thrilled,” Leia says. “Poe is to be the commander of the new fleet. He was offered a higher ranking but he refused.” 

“Really? How come?” Rey asks.

“I believe he was afraid they’d put him behind a desk.” Leia chuckles.

Rey laughs with her. “That sounds like Poe.”

“So they chose not to demilitarize?” Ben says.

“They listened to me this time.” Leia replies.

“It’s about time they did.” Ben grins at his mother.

***

After dinner, Ben insists on cleaning everything. Leia thanks him and approaches Rey.

“May we go outside for a moment, Rey?”

“Of course.”

The evening is warm. The twilight makes the lake look almost ethereal as they sit on the bench in the garden.

“Thank you for what you did for him, Rey, and for me.”

“You don’t have to thank me.”

“Yes, I do. You left everything behind.”

“Not everything. I can still be a Jedi. And I can visit Finn and Rose and Poe. And you can come over, too.”

“You don’t have to be here if you don’t want to.”

“Oh… but I do… I really do. We’ve been training together. I think I can still learn a lot from Ben…”

Leia eyes her, paying close attention.

“Ben is… different. Different than…” Rey realizes she can’t really explain it, because he isn’t different, not really. He’s always been like this, letting his emotions get the best of him. For better or worse.

Leia nods as if she understands what Rey failed to explain.

“And… are the two of you getting along?” Leia asks after a moment.

Rey is thankful for the twilight because she can feel how she blushes. “Yeah, yeah... he was keeping it to himself before, but now he’s interacting a lot more.” She cringes at how weird she sounds talking about him like that.

Rey is unsure how much she has the right to ask about them, about Ben. She doesn’t want to pry, especially when their recently mended relationship seems so fragile.

“Leia… what happens now?”

Leia sighs and gazes at the horizon. The planet's three moons shine one above the other, reflecting perfectly on the placid surface of the lake.

“All my life I’ve fought in the war. I was born into it. Grew up in it. Lost most of my family to it. I became a general, for Force’s sake.” Leia has a sad smile on her face. “But now is the time for peace and healing, something I realized I know very little about. I’m afraid I don’t have an answer for you, my dear, not a simple one at least. So we’ll have to figure it out for ourselves.” She says with the familiar warmth in her voice, the way Rey guesses a mother sounds like.

Rey looks at her, weighing her words.

“Does Ben… does he want to make things right? Is that why he came back?” She is still cautiously optimistic at best, even after what she’s seen. And she hopes it’s true with all her might.

“If he does, will you let him?”

“Of course! That’s what I’ve always wanted him to—”

Leia shakes her head and puts a hand on her arm, gently stopping her speech. “But, Rey, do you know what it means? What it really means?”

No, she doesn’t, Rey thinks. No one does.

***

They fall into a routine for the next few days, sharing meals and spending time together. Leia helps Rey with the garden as much as she can and Rey is surprised at how much that is. Leia suggests Rey plants flowers, something she never considered, seeing that her main goal was to plant things she could eat.

Leia and Ben continue their conversations, walking around the lake or sitting outside under the shade of the trees. Leia always has a smile for him, and sometimes Rey thinks she sees one on his face, too.

Rey thinks a lot about the love Leia has for her son. It’s not envy, not in the bad sense anyway. Rey just wishes she had that, and although she considers Leia a mother figure in her life, her broken heart reminds her that Leia is not, in fact, her mother. Rey’s mother abandoned her.

A few days later, it’s time to say goodbye.

Once more, Rey lets them have their moment. It’s heartbreaking to see the way Ben’s large frame crumbles when he holds his mother. Leia is tiny, but holds her son firmly in her arms.

After Leia leaves, Ben asks to be alone for the rest of the day. Rey feels compelled to ask if he’s alright, but she can’t bring herself to knock on his door again.

At night, she lies awake in her bed, thinking about the strange feeling that remains in her heart, poking at her, keeping her from sleeping. She’s unsure, but it makes her feel warm inside, so, in the silence of her room, she allows herself to look at it.

A violent torrent of panic and fear rips through her thoughts. She knows it’s the bond that has burst open and the intensity of it is enough to disorient her for several moments until a scream brings her senses back to reality.

Her heart hammers in her chest as she jumps from her bed and runs to Ben’s bedroom. She opens the door and he’s still screaming, thrashing on the bed, tangled in the sheets, eyes closed.

She approaches him carefully and calls upon the Force to soothe him. But his mind is too restless and powerful and all she does is wake him up.

He bolts upright with a gasp, propped on his arms. He is panting and seems dizzy but eventually his eyes focus on her even in the dimness of the room.

“Rey?” He breathes out.

“It’s alright, Ben, you had a bad dream.”

He holds her gaze for another moment but then he breaks down, hiding his face in his hands.

Rey can’t take it. Damn the stupid barriers she put up for the sake of politeness or whatever she calls them.

She climbs onto the bed and wraps her arms around him. He immediately leans in and sobs in her arms. It’s ugly and loud and messy, but all she can feel is the lingering emotion the dream has brought and it crushes her.

She holds him tight, feeling his body trembling. The dream was a memory, she can tell, but its exact nature eludes her.

“I’m here. I’ve got you.” Rey whispers to him.

Ben can’t hold onto her anymore; his body slides from her arms and she helps him lie back down on the bed. He convulses with his sobs, his hands still hiding his face.

She moves closer and places one hand over his head. She gently asks the Force again for serenity and it answers her, calming their surroundings. She’s not imposing it on him; she’s offering, supporting, soothing.

At first, Ben can’t see it. But then, ever so slowly, he accepts it. Soon, his hands leave his face and his breath steadies.

She smiles softly at him and touches his hand. He is still shaking, pain twisting his face.

His hand clutches her arm. The grip is soft but firm, and she understands.

She lays down with him in the bed, both on their sides. He looks at her for a moment as if making sure she’s really doing this and then moves closer. There is another question in his eyes.

She opens her arms and he buries himself in her embrace. He tries to resist it at first, but eventually he lets himself cry.

She’s happy for this. Not for the pain nor the despair but for the show of trust. He cries and cries in her arms until both their hearts slow down and begin to beat in sync, their breaths steady, their minds settle down.

After some time, she hears Ben sniffle and stir in her arms. He meets her gaze again.

His eyes are red and his face is swollen. He looks terrified.

“Did you feel that?” Ben whispers.

“Yes, and then I heard you.”

“I’m sorry…”

“You don’t have to apologize for this, Ben.”

He has stopped crying but his voice is shaky.

“I saw…” he blinks slowly. “My father… and my mother.”

She feels the dread rising up in him.

“And… Snoke.”

The mention of that name makes her skin crawl, but she controls herself. She’s watching him intently, encouraging him to continue.

“I was back in that place... in the cave…”

“What cave, Ben?” Rey says softly.

He takes several deep breaths. When he speaks again his voice is low and calm, almost numb.

“Many years ago, Snoke took me to this place. He wanted to teach me something. He commanded me to go into this cave; and I saw many things. I saw my uncle. I fought him. That was what Snoke wanted me to do. And I wanted to kill him. So I did. I hated him so much, Rey. I hated him.” His voice becomes more and more strained as he speaks.

He pauses and lets out a shuddering breath.

“It was a vision, of course, but I didn’t know it… well, I did but… it’s hard to explain. It’s like when you’re in a dream and the question of whether it’s real or not is never even asked.”

Rey remembers her first vision. When she saw Ben for the first time.

“Then I saw my parents.” Ben continues. “I knew right then that that was the kind of loyalty he expected of me. But that day... I couldn’t do it. So I destroyed the cave instead. But of course, Snoke knew.”

He stops and breathes in deeply.

“He… I was… he…” Ben mutters but then gives up. His breath becomes laboured.

“Ben, it’s alright… come here…” Rey says and tightens her grip gently, guiding him to nuzzle up against her chest. There, he’s able to breathe better, but he doesn’t seem to be able to speak.

“Do you want to… show me?” She offers.

She feels him nod.

Their minds open and he pours the images through the bond.

Rey sees a rocky landscape, the sky is grey. Snoke stands at the edge of a cliff, his hand stretched out. Ben is hovering in the air, above the abyss.

She both remembers and feels what being under Snoke’s grasp was like.

The fear is overwhelming as Snoke chides his protégé, telling him how weak and worthless he is.

Snoke lets go and Ben falls to his death.

Rey opens her eyes with a gasp. She’s back in Ben’s room, holding him in her arms. Anger flares behind her eyes and she wishes that Snoke was still alive so that _she_ could kill him this time, for everything he did to Ben.

He is silent now, and a little tense.

Ben pulls away from her, and she sees… shame on his face.

She feels him trying to close the bond.

“I don’t want you to pity me.” He mutters bitterly, looking away. Rey is decidedly appalled that he still considers this a weakness.

“It’s called compassion, Ben.” She puts a hand on his arm and he freezes. “You can let it in now. He’s gone.”

The feeble control he was trying to put up crumbles; he closes his eyes and lets out his breath. She touches his cheek, tracing his scar with her thumb.

He makes a small movement with his head that makes his cheek lean into her hand. She continues touching his face until his right arm wraps around her torso and pulls her close. They fit together like they started, Ben with his face in the crook of her neck and her arms around him. 

She remembers the first time they comforted each other. Sworn enemies sharing compassionate words and a simple touch of hands that spanned across the entire galaxy.

Now he’s here in her arms, hurt and afraid. Like she was.

“You know more about me than anyone else.” Ben says.

“I’ll always listen, if you want to tell.” Rey replies.

He holds onto her a little bit tighter.

***

Their routine changes a bit.

The night after the nightmare, he knocked on her door after they said goodnight. With a wave of her hand, she let him in.

He was hesitant at first, but when she scooted over, he joined her in the bed.

They sleep together every night now. If he doesn’t come over, she goes to him. Sometimes he holds her, sometimes he wants to be held and sometimes they just lay there together side by side until sleep takes them.

She has never slept this peacefully. She has never felt this safe.

Since that night, the bond is left open. It feels unexpectedly natural and not tiring as it once was.

They end up spending most of their time together, training, meditating, studying and even gardening and cooking. They complement each other in all those tasks, Rey realizes. Ben is calm and comfortable around her, and so is she.

***

The holomap around her is a bit faulty. She curses the projector, wishing she had a droid to do this instead of the damned thing. The scaled image of the galaxy projected in their living room is beautiful nonetheless.

It works, at least well enough for Ben to pinpoint the planets he remembers having visited with Luke.

“Here, here and… here.” Ben says, typing the coordinates into the computer. Rey gazes at the yellow dots that appear on the map. There are so many she wants to see; she fears she’ll never be able to visit them all. Ben gets up and walks around the holo and each time he passes by a dot, his face changes a bit.

“I think we should start with Devaron and Lothal. I really want to see that temple you talked about.” She points at the two dots.

She feels Ben’s gaze on her. She meets his eyes and senses something from him. She can’t tell what it is at first, but then she realizes she said the word _ we _.

She hopes for him so much. Her hope was shattered after the events on the Supremacy, but now, because of what he has done, it’s alive again in her heart, strong and insistent.

Their eyes are locked. Her heart begins to race.

“Ben?”

“Yes?”

“Will you go with me?”

His breath shudders. Through the bond she feels the cacophony of emotions that surges, but, once again, one stands out.

“Yes.” He simply says, moving closer to her. She reaches out her hand to hold his and he accepts her gesture.

She smiles, and lets her joy flow through their connection. His lips curl a little into a smile as well, a real one this time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Does my fic pass the Bechdel Test?


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's bonding time for Rey and Leia. And for Rey and Ben perhaps...

The garden is in bloom by the time Leia visits again. Ben is outside, waiting for her like the last time. But unlike last time, he hugs her first.

“Rey and I have been studying…” Ben says over at lunch.

“Is that so?”

Ben glances over at Rey.

“Yes, lots of history.” Rey confirms.

“In general, or…” Leia asks.

“The history of the Jedi.” Ben says casually.

Leia and Rey exchange a quick look.

“We also want to visit the old temples.” Ben adds.

“Oh, are you sure that’s a good idea, Ben?” Leia frowns.

“I’ll wear my helmet.” Ben says dismissively.

The knowing look Leia gives him is priceless, but there’s a twinge of nostalgia there. “As long as you’re careful...”

“I will be, I promise,” Ben says. “Besides, I have the best bodyguard in the galaxy to protect me.” Ben has a grin on his lips when he glances at Rey. She snorts and hits him with a napkin.

Leia’s eyes dart between the two of them and smiles lightly. Rey sees that, and her cheeks blush so hard she thinks her head might explode.

“Let me know if he’s giving you a hard time, Rey.” Leia chuckles and the laugh that comes out of Rey is a bit too loud.

Ben shakes his head with an amused grin.

“How’s the Falcon doing?” Leia asks.

“She’s fine,” Rey says. “The maintenance is not that complicated and Ben has been able to find the parts when he goes to town.”

“I found the calligraphy set in there, behind my old bunk.” Ben says.

Leia lowers her fork to the plate and lightly gasps. “It was there? After all this time?”

“Yes,” Ben chuckles. “I guess father didn’t know it either.”

Rey can feel the devastating effect the word has on both of them. On her too, but it’s nothing compared to how the air changes between the two.

From Ben, she feels anger - at himself - and the will to walk away, to destroy something with his hands just to feel anything other than this.

But he controls it this time. He doesn’t suffocate it, to Rey’s surprise, instead he calms it until she can no longer sense it.

“You’re writing again, then?” Leia asks and the tension eases.

“I am.” Ben is frowning, looking at his food.

“I would like to see it, if you want to show me.”

Ben swallows. “I would like that. Although I’m not as skilled as I used to be.” He says, smiling as he meets his mother’s gaze.

***

“These are the blue ones that I told you about. Plant them under the shade of the trees, they don’t do well under too much sun. These, however…” Leia takes the bag of seeds from the box she brought as a gift to Rey. “They are desert flowers, used to hard sun and not much water; they have a tough life in the desert, but they are the most beautiful of them all.”

Leia and Rey walk through the garden, deciding where to start with Rey’s gift. Ben is digging in the dirt, picking root vegetables for dinner.

“What kind of flowers are they?” Rey says excitedly.

“Big yellow ones. You’ll love them.”

Rey looks around her. This is just a small patch of land in a forsaken planet in the Outer Rim and the house is nothing but a simple wooden cottage, but they are beautiful in her eyes. Rey can’t imagine being anywhere else.

Her eyes fall onto Ben who is frowning as he scrapes the dirt from the roots. A warm smile blooms on her face at the sight. When he lifts his gaze and meets hers, he smiles back. It’s such a natural smile, and, paired with the simple grey clothes he is wearing and dishevelled hair, he doesn’t look at all like the Supreme Leader of the First Order. He looks like Ben Solo. And she can’t imagine anyone else she’d rather be with.

“I can’t wait.” Rey says.

***

Rey wonders if Ben will come tonight. Leia is staying in her ship as usual, but Rey suspects he might think it would be too weird. Rey ponders what it would look like if Leia catches him getting out of her bedroom in the morning...

A knock on the door erases her doubts.

Ben enters the room and lays down on his spot.

“Hi…” She whispers.

“Hi…” He replies and braces himself, seemingly hesitating to say something. Rey never pushes, she waits until he eventually speaks.

“I told her about Snoke. I told her everything.” He says.

Rey noticed Leia has been crestfallen today. Another difficult conversation, she’s sure. Rey wonders how many they have had so far. “And?”

“She said she always feared that I had gone through something like that.” He breathes in. “It was hard to see her cry.”

It was hard for Rey to hear about it too. She can only imagine the pain a mother would feel learning about the suffering her son had endured.

“How are you feeling?” She asks.

“Terrible.”

Rey places her hand on his.

“But better. A lot better.” He adds, lacing his fingers with hers.

“I’m glad.” She smiles. “I’m glad you told her.”

They are looking into each other’s eyes as Rey relaxes and Ben blinks slowly and sighs. His eyes are sad but there is hope in there somewhere.

“All my life I’ve hurt people,” Ben says evenly, his eyes leaving her. “The darkness was too great. And Snoke made it fester in me, to a point where it became easy to do it. To a point where it was impossible to turn back. So I kept going.”

She remembers the look in his eyes when he was free of his abuser.

“And yet here you are…” Rey says.

“Yes… here I am…”

She feels his regret weighing heavily in his heart, sharp and painful. He can’t talk about it, not yet it seems. Perhaps someday.

He moves closer and so does she. Ben wraps his arms around her as Rey nuzzles against his chest.

“Is this where you want to be, Ben?”

“Yes.”

“Doing these things?”

“Yes.”

“With me?”

His hand runs up and down her back in lazy movements. Her hand snakes up and her fingers tangle in his hair.

“Yes, Rey. With you.”

She wants to stay awake for longer but she falls asleep too quickly in the warmth of his arms.

***

Leia’s visit ends sooner than Rey would’ve liked; Ben and Leia still have much to talk about. He tries to hide how moody he gets when Leia is about to leave, but fails miserably.

“... I’m proud of you, don’t get me wrong.” Rey hears Leia say from the living room as Rey exits her bedroom. She didn’t mean to eavesdrop, but can’t make herself walk away. “I was just surprised that you would be interested in rebuilding the Jedi Order.”

“The Jedi were arrogant, intolerant liars. She is nothing like that.”

“No, she isn’t,” Leia sighs. “All I want is for you to be happy, son. I know you feel like you don’t deserve it, but you do.”

Ben scoffs.

“Ben, listen to me,” Leia’s tone is firmer now. “Look at what you’ve done so far… at what you and Rey are doing for the galaxy. This is what it takes.”

“It’ll never be enough.” Ben’s voice sounds colder.

“It’s enough for me.”

Ben inhales. Rey feels when it hits him.

“Mom…” Rey can hear Ben’s voice breaking.

There is a pause.

“Is it enough for her too?” Ben mutters.

“It seems to be… Have you asked her what she thinks?”

“No…”

“Why not?” Leia asks patiently.

“She… I…”

“I know, sweetheart. I know how hard these things can be.” Leia says.

Rey finally walks away as quietly as she can, her heart racing again.

She waits outside on her garden, mindlessly kicking some pebble stones, while she waits for Leia to come out. Her head is filled with the words she heard and her heart with Ben. The feeling is warm, not scary anymore, as warm as he feels when he holds her at night.

The shape of his future she saw that day looked a lot like this, but she has never expected it to fit so well into her own wishes. Which makes her wonder if they were the same thing all along.

Eventually, the door opens and Leia walks over to Rey, with open arms.

“Goodbye, my dear. I’ll see you again soon.” Leia says giving her a quick hug.

“Must you go?” Rey replies with a sad smile.

“Yes, unfortunately. I don’t want to raise any suspicion by being away for too long. Besides, you two need to prepare for your trip, right?”

“I’m really looking forward to it,” Rey says, but then she pauses, her heart becoming heavy all of a sudden. “I-I really enjoy your visits.” She grimaces at her own weak words. 

Leia seems unfazed by her awkwardness and gathers Rey’s hands on hers with a smile. “You are like a daughter to me, Rey. I hope you know that.”

Rey is gutted. The emotion takes hold of her; she can’t think of anything to say. Luckily, Leia hugs her again and doesn’t see the tear that quickly runs down Rey’s cheek.

***

During the following days, they load the Falcon with the supplies they need for their journey to the temples.

Rey has come up with many ways to tell Ben what she wants to say. It all looks great in her head, but every time they are together, she just can’t bring herself to do it. She curses herself; it should be easy to just say how you feel, so what is she waiting for?

On the eve of their departure, she notices the ramp of the Falcon still down. She figures Ben is inside, maybe checking the engines. She takes a deep, centering breath and walks purposefully out the door.

The night is a bit chilly as she marches towards the Falcon.

Inside the ship, there’s a faint light coming from the back. There, she finds Ben. He is standing up, with his back to her, among their supply crates, his backpack is open, laying on the floor. He is holding something in his hands.

“Ben?” She calls him, but he doesn’t answer.

Rey comes closer and sees the calligraphy set in his hands. Once again, the heartbreaking sorrow taints the Force around him.

“Ben, what’s wrong?”

He stares at the object.

“How?” Ben says in a whisper.

“Ben?”

“How can she forgive me?” His voice is lower, barely audible as he turns the box slowly on his hands. “How can she say that I’m still her son?”

Rey gasps lightly and places a hand on his arm. “Because she loves you. Because you chose to be her son again. You’ve come home.”

“Home,” he echoes, lifting his gaze to meet hers. He looks like he’s about to cry.

She reaches for his hand and closes it around the box. Ben lets out a strange sound, something between a chuckle and a sob.

He puts his other hand over hers.

“Rey, you... you changed everything. Your light is the brightest in the galaxy. You made me see. You reached out to me.” He steps closer, soft eyes fixed on her. 

The box floats back to his backpack and he lifts his hand and lightly brushes her cheek. His touch is hesitant, waiting for permission.

Rey takes a step closer and places her hands on his chest.

Now is her chance to tell him. She fumbles for the phrases that she practiced but they won’t come out.

So instead she closes the gap between their lips. And her heart stops.

She has never kissed anyone before. She has never _ wanted _ to kiss anyone before. But now all she wants is more of his soft lips on her.

She senses his heart beating fast, almost as fast as hers.

Ben inhales and reaches a hand to the nape of her neck, pulling her closer.

She’s dizzy with the feeling of touching him like this. He kisses her more deeply, opening his mouth to capture her lips. 

She wraps her arms around his neck and presses her body against his. A soft moan escapes him and his grip tightens even more.

The bond sings in her mind; on the other end is Ben, too caught up in the moment to keep his thoughts in order. He is as desperate for this as she is.

The kiss breaks momentarily, their lips hover over one another, their eyes closed. She licks her lips and tastes him in her mouth.

Slowly, Rey opens her eyes and they meet his. He looks hungry and terrified and euphoric all at once. But she doesn’t get to look for long.

Their open mouths clash. They kiss with urgency as if they can’t bear to waste another moment without this.

At one point, their tongues meet and they roll against one another. His body feels like a furnace all around her. His hands roam everywhere on her back and neck, seeking to bring her closer somehow, and she can’t get enough.

Her hands end up in his hair while they kiss deeply and fiercely, letting their mouths do what they want.

She’s out of breath but she can’t stop, she doesn’t want to.

They slow down. She carefully explores his lips with her own, basking in the wonderful feeling of sharing this with him.

Their bond feels deeper with their physical touch. It’s almost overwhelming.

When the kiss eventually ends, she peers up at him. His eyes adore her with such intensity, the same she grew used to seeing from him, but now it’s coming from someplace new. Rather, someplace that’s always been there, but was never allowed to come out.

“I’ve wanted this for so long. I’ve wanted _ you _ for so long.” Rey whispers to him. In her heart she can’t tell where her emotions end and his begin.

“So have I…” he confesses, leaning his forehead to hers. He closes his eyes and lets out his breath.

She kisses him again briefly. Rey doesn’t think she’ll ever get tired of this.

“Is this what it feels like?” Rey whispers against his lips.

“I think so,” Ben says softly. “Rey… Will you stay with me? Will you help me?” His fingers brushes her cheeks.

“Yes, Ben.” She says placing one single kiss on his lips and smiling. “But I think we’re already doing fine, aren’t we?”

“Yes… yes, we are.” He smiles back and kisses her some more.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Their life as a couple and the conclusion to the story.

_ A few years later _

Rey rolls the paper and carefully tucks it back into the paper tube. Ben’s words are beautiful both on paper and in meaning. He gives her his texts to read sometimes. In those, Ben writes about his family and his life before all this. She imagines a dark haired boy happily running around in the Falcon, being chased by a young Han Solo.

Ben usually writes after he has nightmares. They are rarer these days, but when they do happen, it’s still bad. He wakes up screaming and Rey often has a hard time calming him down. He still feels shame when he cries even after all this time.

She raises her gaze to the parchment with her name written in beautiful calligraphy in a frame hung above the bunker. That’s her second favourite one. Her favourite one is hung on the wall of their bedroom.

She gets up from the cot and heads to the cockpit, stepping carefully around the boxes filled with the books they found at the abandoned temple.

They have learned so much; she’s so proud. Their dedication to studying and training has served to better themselves to a point where she feels confident in calling herself a Jedi Master. Even though Ben is just as proud as her, he never calls himself that.

At the cockpit, Ben hears her and gets up from the pilot seat.

“We’re almost home.” He says and sweeps her into his arms. She stands on her tiptoes and kisses him.

“I loved the story, Ben, it’s beautiful.”

Ben gives her that shy smile that she adores. “Really?”

“Yes,” she says, brushing his hair away from his face. “Did Han really begin teaching you how to fly at that age?”

“He did,” Ben chuckles.

“Leia must have been furious.”

The ship beeps and comes out of lightspeed. They take their seats and fly the Falcon together.

Being in there had been difficult for him in the beginning. It carried the bittersweet memories of a time long gone along with the most recent, painful ones. He confessed to her that he ordered the First Order to fire at the Millennium Falcon on Crait. Rey said she already knew.

With time, Ben learned to love the ship again, building new memories with Rey and with Leia when they insist on visiting her. Leia always chides Ben for his recklessness but can’t seem to stay mad at him for too long.

She contemplates the forest from above. The Falcon makes ripples on the lake as they hover over their home.

Rey is the first one out and she rushes to check the apples.

“Aww…” She moans in disappointment. “They’re still green!” She shouts over at Ben.

“At least one more month.” He says, catching up with her.

“Oh, the flowers survived— Oi!“ Rey yelps as she’s suddenly in the air. Ben steadies her body in his arms as she laughs. “Ben!”

“Come on, we have a lot to do.” He has the most wicked grin on his face and Rey squeals in excitement.

He opens the door using the Force as she peppers kisses on his cheek.

In their bedroom, he puts her down and his hungry lips are on hers the next second.

“I want you…” he whispers against her mouth and she smiles. They made love last night and the night before on the Falcon. It’s simply never enough.

And they couldn’t wait to get home.

He loves to undress her. Slowly and carefully, he unravels her arm bands, brushing his fingers on her skin, giving her goosebumps.

His hands travel up and his fingers untangle the braid he made on her hair. Then, he gently grips on it and slightly tilts her head, exposing her neck.

He licks the skin there, ending up on her earlobe. He bites at it, and the shiver that runs down her spine makes her knees almost bend. Ben found out about that really quickly and has been using it against her ever since.

She makes little impatient noises to hasten his movements.

Instead he goes slower, unbuckling her belt and loosening her tunic. Rey lets out a frustrated groan. “Force, Ben, I want you too…”

“You do?” He whispers in her ear as his hand snakes under her shirt.

“Yes…” she breathes as he brushes his thumb over her nipple.

“What do you want me to do to you, my love?” He asks as his other hand travels lower and grabs her ass, pressing her body against his. She can feel how hard he is.

Instead of answering, she pushes an image through the bond. His cock pulses as he sees himself with his head between her legs.

“Is that what you want?” His low, mischievous voice does things to her, giving her as much pleasure as his hands, his mouth and his cock. “Let me see you…” he pushes her shirt over her head and undoes her pants. She makes him sit on the bed to watch as she removes the final piece of clothing from her body.

He spends a few moments just looking at her, without touching. He is in awe of her, just like the very first time he saw her like this: naked and ready for him.

It took them a long time to do it. Neither one was emotionally ready for it to go fast, but there was no rush either. His repressed sexuality was hard to overcome at first, but with time and a lot of love, they gradually explored each other’s bodies and limits. Ben confided to her that he had no idea how to touch a woman and asked her to show him what she liked. She had no idea how to touch a man either, but the fact that he asked her warmed her heart in a way she never expected.

Ever since the nightmare, they never spent one night apart. And ever since the kiss, they have kissed each other to sleep in each one of those nights.

Now he grabs her and places her on the bed. Her legs wrap around his head out of pure habit at this point. When his lips encircle her clit, she cries out, the sensation running up her spine, spreading bliss through her body. He is a lot more confident now, but just as eager as he was the first time. He slowly kisses her nub and then moves to her folds, tasting her, worshiping her, giving her everything.

He seems to have forgotten his teasing because he is devouring her now, with two fingers pressed inside her, and she just lets the pleasure take over her.

Rey comes on his tongue, crying his name and gasping for air and clutching his hair. He waits patiently until she calms down, gradually slowing his kisses on her aching core. 

Ben emerges and stands up to look at her. She knows that look, the look of pride he has when he makes her come, and probably not for the last time today.

She’s still catching her breath as she sits up and starts to undo his pants. Once his pants are gone she stands up to kiss him, caressing the marred skin of his chest.

_ “My poor Ben is so hard,” _ she teases him through the bond. _ “Maybe I should help him…” _

He lets out a hum at that and she bites her lip. Sitting back on the bed, she slides down his underwear. His eyes fall shut when she takes him in her hand.

She was so careful the first time she did this. He was such a mess back then, believing he was undeserving of the pleasure she wanted so bad to give to him. When he finally accepted, she made sure to show him every day, in every kiss and every touch how much he deserved it.

Her mouth wraps around him and his breath hitches. She can’t help the moan that leaves her throat as she tastes him. She loves pleasuring him like this, she loves making him moan, she loves the way his whole body trembles when she sucks on his tip and her hand moves up and down his length.

She works her tongue on his cock, slowly at first, as he runs his hand through her hair. Then, she takes him deeper in her mouth and hears a small needy sound from him.

“Rey…” he warns her.

She pulls away from him and lays back on the bed. He loves to come in her mouth, but this is his favourite thing.

He hovers on top of her and they smile at each other. He takes one of her legs and opens her up some more. She feels his cock slide in, and she lets out a long moan, feeling his length filling her, completing her.

Ben knows her body so well. He has spent every day in the past few years learning everything about it, about her. He was so keen on giving her pleasure that he explored her body until he knew every crevice, every nook, and every way he could make her come.

The bond proved to be a great help in that process. Whenever they couldn’t articulate what they wanted, their connection allowed for another form of communication, working better than speaking sometimes. And some fun times too, as it progressed.

He thrusts slowly and deeply. Rey feels nothing but his body and the pleasure it inspires.

Ben grunts as he picks up his pace. The Force around them is vibrant, pulsing with their emotions.

“You are my home…” he whispers as he thrusts harder and harder.

“And you’re mine…” she replies with the last bit of speech left in her before she plunges.

She’s coming with his cock buried deep inside of her as he whispers sweet words in her ear.

She’s glad that she came before he did because now she gets to watch. It’s beautiful the way he falls apart right before his orgasm. His face flushes even more, his mouth hangs open and his eyes close. He thrusts into her a few more times and he comes hard with loud groans.

The first time he came inside her there were tears of joy in his eyes. She could feel through their connection how his emotions were overwhelming him but he let it; he wasn’t afraid anymore. She didn’t realize until after her climax that she was crying too.

Now he pants on top of her, still inside. Their pleasure slowly fades and what’s left is a mixture of joy and satisfaction and love.

They eventually move and he holds her in his arms. It’s still the middle of the day but they lay in bed together. They shift eventually; and now she’s holding him, his face buried in the crook of her neck. Just like the first night.

***

She’s in the orchard when she feels it. The Force unbalances so violently, she has to steady herself against a tree.

It’s far away and still blurry, but Rey can feel something evil and old creeping from the depths of darkness.

She needs to find Ben. She runs to the forest, following his signature and soon runs into him.

He takes her in his arms, his expression just as desperate.

“Rey! Did you feel that?”

“Yes… But I can’t tell what it is.”

“It… it spoke to me…”

Rey gasps.

“It called me the last of the Skywalkers… it said it’s coming for me.”

Her jaw clenches and protective instincts take over. She’s ready to behead anyone who would hurt him.

“We must contact my mother.”

***

After the call ends and the holo of his mother fades, Ben looks sullen.

“Palpatine…” he whispers.

“It’s impossible…” Rey mutters. “He was killed. He’s dead.”

“He’s dead…” Ben repeats absentmindedly. “I don’t understand. We have to look into it.” He gets up from his seat and goes into the study.

Rey is left alone with her thoughts. She hears Ben move things around, probably looking for a book, for information, anything that could help. She'll soon join him, she knows better than to chose inaction, but her heart is so heavy in her chest. She can’t believe that it has come to this again. She thinks about all the loss of life in the last war and the pain is almost enough to make her cry. And what it all means to Ben and her.

***

“So you’re telling me that you guys have been training and studying Jedi stuff all this time?” Poe says, still skeptical.

“Yes.”

“You and _ Kylo Ren _want to raise the New Jedi Order?”

“His name is Ben Solo.”

Poe sighs and shakes his head, letting it sink in.

“What happens when everyone finds out that he’s alive and that you helped him escape?” Poe asks.

“That is the least of my concerns now, Poe. But hopefully they will see that Ben Solo, the heir to the Skywalkers, is willing to fight for the light.”

Kylo… Ben walks into the room with Leia. Poe eyes him, trying to picture him in this new light that Rey just described.

“Dameron.” Ben greets.

“Uh… Solo…” Poe replies.

“I never got a chance to apologize for what I’ve done to you. I’m sorry.” Ben says and holds out his hand.

Poe frowns and recoils a bit, pondering the situation for a moment. He supposes bad people can turn things around if they really want to, and he trusts Rey and Leia. Also, the man formerly known as Kylo Ren still hasn’t tried to kill any of them, so Poe figures it’s a good sign.

Poe shakes his hand, still frowning, but his grip is firm.

***

“Rey?” Ben finds her in their bedroom sitting on their bed after their peaceful dinner. She wonders how many more of those they’ll be allowed to have now that war is almost upon them again.

She lifts her lost gaze from the ground and looks at him. He sits down beside her and holds her.

“Are you scared?” She whispers against his hair.

“Yes. Are you?”

“Yes.”

“So is my mother.”

“If I lose you. Any of you…”

Ben gently holds her cheeks and searches for her eyes. “You won’t. I promise. He won’t succeed. He won’t turn me like he did my grandfather. I’ve been broken before, I won’t let it happen again.” Ben says, with calm and certainty.

They hold each other tight. Worry and dread churn inside her but she holds onto Ben and the light in her. After a few moments, she looks at Ben.

“We’re ready. We’ve been preparing for this.” Rey says. “Will you fight by my side once more, my love?”

“I will. Always.” Ben answers. “You’re not alone.”

“Neither are you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this is the end! Thank you so much for reading! I really enjoyed writing this and hopefully I was able to live up to the prompt.  
Who knows, maybe I'll write a sequel to this... ;)
> 
> As always, let me know what you guys think. Comments are incredibly valuable to me!
> 
> You may find me on twitter @ceciliasheplin if you want to say hi
> 
> May the Force be with you!


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